Yearning to Write

Rather pathetic; I guess deep down, I’ve always wanted one of those spaces in the Spartan Scroll to write a column, but was much too wuss to go for an executive position. I enjoyed writing my quasi-column in the Reflections issue, and I guess Internet-publishing allows me to put down some ideas that, had I been ballsy enough and had I even been a match for my hypothetical competitors, would have manifested in what would have been my very own column.
I have a blog, but I don’t feel as though I write formally in there. It’s a lot of ramble mumbo-jumbo, and I really want to start writing more polished pieces. I’m working on being more eloquent. I gave my first college presentation on Wednesday. I was always pretty okay with speaking in front of people—never the nervous type when it came to presenting. But I did rather poorly. I’ve always slipped through the presentation system. I’ve never really been prepared. I make sure I know roughly what I’m going to say, and leave the rest of the performance up to ad-libbing. And as I get older, I guess my ad-libbing abilities get worse. I also tend to blank out a lot. I always prepare some eloquent words before hand, but then I never take the time to remember them. I think, Oh, it’ll come to me while I’m presenting, yet never does.
I should learn from my mistakes. But I guess I have a bit of condescension when it comes to anything academia-intelligentsia. I get all, dare I say, cocky? I guess I think I’ll be cool, because I feel like I know the field, I’ve played it for 14 years—I’m good. But I guess I always falter when put on the spot. The worse thing, though, is that even though I embarrass myself at my own will—practically—I still don’t take my lessons and learn to memorize speech and prepare more intensively. I’m hoping that taking a Speech class at ELAC this summer will help. If I really do want to pursue my goal of being some sort of public official, I will need to hone my speaking skills, and really break out of my self-consciousness.
So I wanted to hone my writing skills to be more suited for actual publication, but I guess this is more informal and sh*tty writing. This will go back on the blog. I’ve made another blog, initially with the intention for recording more literary, creative ideas; but it’s been untouched since I made it over two months ago. I really hope to begin writing in that one, and work up to something for actual publication, whether in the far or near future. It’s everyone’s dream to publish a book, and so, Why not? It will be an exciting venture. No pressure, just writing for pure fun.

I did Word Count; I’m currently over 400 words, nearing 500. It’s much more fun and much easier to write endlessly when words and emotions are just flowing to you. No intensive thinking or referencing necessary. Research is such a slow process, but expression is so organic; it’s second nature.

Crazazy!

I just retyped a whole L.A. Weekly article! Granted, it was much shorter than the typical Weekly piece. I had some crazy idea that typing good writing might somehow help me establish better writing skills. I don't think it worked. I was so much more into getting the words typed, than into the syntax and diction that the author employed. So I guess the only thing I perhaps improved upon was my typing speed. Maybe.

I really wish that they would come out to me with some news! I've been waiting a whole week! An entire week, and counting of anticipation! It's been so hard. I submitted my resume and cover letter a while ago. But no news has come back. I've been so obsessively checking my e-mail. Nothing!

Umm. I don't know what my roommate and her new friend is doing, but it sounds private. I'm in an awkward position. Whatever, I won't look.


I love long-form journalism. Writers who have the ability to master it are so talented. They really have a way with words. I like to emulate them sometimes by writing very convoluted sentences. When I write one that makes sense, I get a swelling feeling of pride and excitement. Look at how many words is in that monster! But then, when I get the paper back, the grader usually says. This is so confusing. Cut it! It sucks. But I will still continue to write convoluted sentences, because I have a deep appreciation for the complexity of sentences. When you can put a lot of words together, but in a concise manner, not repeating ideas, and come out with a cogent sentence, it is so beautiful. I love decoding confusing writing. It's a hobby.

Ah yes, my Lakers will be playing in the playoffs tomorrow! First game, round one. I wish for the best.