I really feel like I can thrive

In my Speech class, I'm not getting the grades that I feel like I want to be getting. I want A's in that class, because personally, for me to get my ideas across means the world. I feel like I'm holding myself back from even trying to achieve in that class. Something in me doesn't want to be good at Speech. Perhaps it's my own will and mindset that's not allowing me to "soar." I have a notion in me that this shyness is a set personality and that I can't change it. I want to be brazen and bold, and deliver an in-your-face speech, but I am bogged down. It's something that I need to get over. I am really feeling in my element when I speak publicly. And I think Communications can take me to places I never imagined. I would never have thought of becoming an on-air reporter or venture into any such public-speakerish career, but I find myself falling in love with the field. I watch the news, I watch commentary, and I wish, I wish, I wish I were as eloquent as Keith Olbermann. As smart and witty. And as powerful. I wish I could have my word out there. I want to reach people. I like to command attention and have people listen to my ideas. But something in me is meek. I can't get over it. Though I deeply want to!

I love my mind. And sometimes, I just wish I could share my ideas and hear other people's ideas. Communications is such a vital field to human life. To survive as a world. As a humanity. It's just such a crucial phenomena.

Sometimes, I get the feeling that the ideas I admire are so complex and inexplicable and so above me. So large and so omnipowerful. They are my God: Communications, Anthropology, Understanding, Tolerance, Love, Infinity, Life, Science, Rationalism, Existentialism, the Human Mind. I am so in love.