Doin' somethin'

This internal conflict. Again. The person I am versus the person I want to be. Is it 'fake' to want to change yourself? I hate pleasing people for acceptance. I do it all the time. So I will use my nervous voice--the friendly nicer one--when talking to strangers, because if I don't, I will sound mean and they will go away. I guess. So that's supposedly fake. But can't it be accepted as a part of me? Like, that's just how I talk to strangers?

And then, there's the girl who wants to be a social justice queen. Look how lazy I am, how will I ever achieve that goal? I need to get involved, and I need to start doing it myself. I know I'm waiting for company, but if no one is interested in going with me, why don't I just go by myself? I'm pretty dumb. And I really wish I were studying something in the social sciences. I would be good at that. I think that is one area of study I have full confidence in. But what can I do with a social sciences degree? I like lab science... I loved the AMGEN lab from AP Bio. But I don't think I love it as much as studying cities and communities and people.

Straighten up.