If you want to sing out sing out

Kip, your blog was amazing.
I love how you pulled in the parallel of your dilemma with "Harold and Maude." That movie is so inspirational. Maude is my other hero, besides David Geffen. I guess Ms. Luu, because she does so much--and she's so tiny, so it doesn't look like she can do so much. Anyways, I've always had your current dilemma in the back of my mind. I remember last year, I was giving a CSF Academic Development Day (cheesy) seminar about AP success. I don't think I said anything useful throughout the entire thing. But my one message I left those freshmen with--the one thing I really wanted to impress upon them, was to get out that idea that they were striving for their grades because of their parents. I wanted them to realize that ultimately, what they can accomplish is for them. It will give their parents pride, and definitely, their parents had a hand in raising them to be AP kids, but what they achieve is a direct reflection of themselves. I'm very adamant about that.

But then sometimes, I also wonder if I practice what I preach. If my mom was not influencing me, I think I might have majored in history or art or something. But under her influence, those are subjects that I definitely enjoy, but I don't think that they have a practical use for what I'm trying to achieve. I like to keep those two as interests. So I came into UCLA hoping to major in Microbiology, Immunology and Molecular Genetics. I really don't know if I came to that decision on my own accord. I think when I made my decision, it was mostly because I believed I would try to become a doctor. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I know I initially fell in love with that major because of my passion for public health that grew from the movie "And the Band Played On." But perhaps the only reason I grew so interested in Public Health was because it satisfied my mom's requirement that it dealt with the Life Sciences. But the true reason I tended toward it was because of its dealing with social justice. And as I am growing wiser in these past 2 quarters, I am realizing. I am not a fricking South Campus sciences person as I am a North Campus humanities and liberal arts person. I love rationality, which science so admirably proves with experiments and whatnot, but studying humanities and social sciences is my real passion. My forte. That is one thing I would admit to being good at, because I love it so much. I can't say I'm good at math and science. Who would I be kidding? I admire the hard sciences because they are based in empiricism, which I love. But I am an analyst. I love the mind. I love ideas and philosophy. And I at times wonder if I am digging myself an abyss of a career--something I can never get out of, because I am making such an expensive commitment both in my South Campus studies and in my money. What if I venture into health sciences, but I can't get out of it, because that's what I earned my degree in?

So I think it is a compromise that I am now aiming for an Anthropology BS. I'm still in the life sciences, but I am also mainly in the social sciences. And then I hope to get a Communication Studies BA. And then very hopefully a minor in Urban and Regional Studies.

This is good I think. I'll have to work hard and I will probably complain, but it's doing things I love and it's ultimately going to make me happy when I get older. Having a background in those three fields will open up doors for all the careers I would be interested in pursuing.

I am proud that I have a best friend who has so much on her plate. Because really, Kip, I think that I was only even brave enough to consider this monster of a college career because I knew you were doing it too. Let's just do this together. We'll make everyone proud. :o)

Doin' somethin'

This internal conflict. Again. The person I am versus the person I want to be. Is it 'fake' to want to change yourself? I hate pleasing people for acceptance. I do it all the time. So I will use my nervous voice--the friendly nicer one--when talking to strangers, because if I don't, I will sound mean and they will go away. I guess. So that's supposedly fake. But can't it be accepted as a part of me? Like, that's just how I talk to strangers?

And then, there's the girl who wants to be a social justice queen. Look how lazy I am, how will I ever achieve that goal? I need to get involved, and I need to start doing it myself. I know I'm waiting for company, but if no one is interested in going with me, why don't I just go by myself? I'm pretty dumb. And I really wish I were studying something in the social sciences. I would be good at that. I think that is one area of study I have full confidence in. But what can I do with a social sciences degree? I like lab science... I loved the AMGEN lab from AP Bio. But I don't think I love it as much as studying cities and communities and people.

Straighten up.