Hiatus has got to end

So it's been more than a year since my last post. And I think it's time for a comeback! I see no reason why I shouldn't be writing daily. I have a pretty lax schedule this quarter, and so would like to do some more productive activities than watching "The Nanny" on YouTube every chance I get.

The only reason I can think of--at this moment--that I am "committing" to returning my regular blogging, is because I am reading for class tomorrow. And am looking for an excuse to procrastinate. Typical, eh? I read an article about the apparently imminent government shut-down, which linked me to an op-ed...which triggered my deep-down desire to be a journalist (secondary of course to my aspiration of becoming a transportation planner!)...and I was thus again lured back into blogging! I do wonder how long this will last.

So I might be lying. I have a fear of routine...Routine work, that is. Haha. I'm fine with routine watching TV and eating meals on the dot at certain times...but I have a problem with routine busy work (like writing) and sleeping. (I like work, but only the kind in which I am actively doing something--like interacting with people and sites!--which is why public service is ideal for me!) I also wish sleep were not necessary. Then I can watch Frannie every waking hour!

Stream-of-consciousness writing is annoying to read (unless it's Faulkner), but as the author--it is quite fun to spew.

Stuff I need to do...

So so so....

I wasted today. I don't like to think of it as waste, because I did spend it to my heart's content. I am happy to have watched episodes of old Nicktoons. Happy to have logged intermittently onto Facebook. Happy to have blog-stalked.

But I haven't really started studying for my final tomorrow! Ethics & policy in mass media...Midterm wasn't so bad. Hopefully final will be just as dandy.
I should go over notes and then go to bed.

Man, some things I want to share on this blog, but really should not. This is broadcast to the world. This stuff is on record! I might say things I feel now but not later. Don't want to be on the record as a hypocrite. So I'll just crochet my lips together. Keep 'em shut.

I ate a lot of bran flakes today and made me very extremely regular... ;-)
Ate a lot of kabocha today... I hope I don't turn orange. But it's only because I am running low on snacks, so I can't munch on anything else...Not completely my fault.

I will cut up taro tomorrow :-) and perhaps cook it with my snap peas. And I have beans soaking--perhaps put them into the Crockpot. Mmmm...cool.... beans. Gas....

Back to studying. I think about food too much.

***EDIT***
So much so...I forgot to make my list
TO-DO:
-Prep for Negotiations group meeting
-Anthro homework
-Negotiations article summary
-Urban Planning Final
I can't wait to go home for Spring Break so that I may see my mommy and daddy. I love them too too much.

Breaktime!

Uh..yah..I take too many of those.

Enjoying others' and leaving no time for mine own

I haven't been blogging. I have forgotten how good it feels to blog. I like reading others' blogs. Mainly food blogs... Maybe I will start up again if this post tickles my fancy.

Well last night, I ate a lot of sunflower seeds. And then I started to get gaseous. And then I started to fart and it smelled like sunflower seeds, kinda. And if you are ever my roommate, you shall always know when I've farted, because I will spritz body spray to get rid of the stank.

So after I dilly-dallied on my paper--I'm writing about the free monorail that L.A. never received because it rejected!--I decided to go to bed and watch an episode of Hey Arnold and lurk my food blogs. I was still gassed up and I continued farting in my blanket. Hahaha...building up a methane bomb in there... But I started to smell something funkky. And it kind of smelt of carbon monoxide, and so I sniff-sniff-sniffed...smelt also of sunflower seeds. So perhaps, I fart whatever I ate...Solid to gas--sublimation in my digestive system!

This morning, I woke up and it smelled really gross. And so I check the kitchen and the stove was on! It leaked gas all night! So it was not me. Good thing...

So went running on my usual route. Then I saw a car parked on the sidewalk with its window shattered! Poor person.

I cooked today. It was quite delicious. I never usually approve of my cooking, which is why I stick to sandwiches...But I made a lotus root, mushroom, snap pea and celery stir-fry today with a sauce of mushroom juice (haha), ginger, oyster sauce, garlic and pepper. I'm proud. Tasted like something my mama would make. Heart.

Then I watched the Lakers lose. Dangit. Haven't been so great of a fan. I missed the last few months of play, seriously. I've been biz-biz. It was an exciting game though. Can't wait to get back into it.

I need to write.

Stop procrastinating.

I suck sometimes. My paper's due tomorrow, but I would rather write it last minute, because the urgency heightens my eloquence and rationality, I think... Or maybe I'm just a lazy numbnut.

Fluid

Finally, I did the simplest thing today, yet it lifted the weightiest burden off of my shoulders. I just sent my dad an e-mail explaining what I am studying in college, and what I hope to do in the future with my degree. It is exhausting to constantly have to try to explain to them about my intended future career, without something tangible for them to grasp. They are only familiar with the more common careers--lawyer, doctor, service workers, etc. What I want to do--public administration, or something along the lines of urban studies, integrated with advocating socially-conscious public policy--is unknown to them. They do not see it as a career because they do not know it as a career. They are scared for me. I understand, because without a tangible career for them to imagine their daughter venturing into, is equivalent to their daughter not having a career--not having a future.

To be honest though, even though I am so sure of my passions, I too am uncertain of exactly what I will do. I know there is a career that--even if not available--I will carve out for myself. I know I am normally a very planned out person fearful of excessive spontaneity...However, that only applies for real-life events. More abstract imaginaries, I prefer fluidity and flexibility. In other words, I'd like to know where I am physically going to be for the next three hours to lessen my chances of getting lost, but I'd much prefer to keep open my options for my future and allow it to unfold as I approach it. I think it's exciting to not know exactly what position I will fill in my future. Each "career" already implies so many restrictions: Lawyers need to be strong-headed, aggressive, etc... Doctors need to be caring, careful, etc... Maybe scary--I don't know if there is a job exactly what I want to do...but I would much rather approach my future with no strings attached.

No pressure.

I would love to ease into a place that will naturally be mine all mine.

i guess...idc

I’m moving in on Sunday, and I am very annoyed right now. I feel very underappreciated by everybody and I feel alone. I’ve been keeping busy lately—doing doodling artwork and projects. I am tired and I am anxious. Even though this is my only week of real vacation, I don’t want to rest—I feel like I’m wasting time if I do. I am too much of a workaholic.
Anyways so I’m anxious—but on top of that, I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to. Worst is that I am not seeking out anyone to talk to; as I’ve said—I’m annoyed, irritated, cynical… My mom wants to go to Vegas, but I’m moving in on Sunday, and she handles the situation like I should change the date to accommodate her. I feel like my parents don’t feel the need to care for my brother and me anymore. I mean, I know my parents love me, but I don’t feel like I’m a priority in their lives anymore. That sucks, but I guess I know how they’re feeling—they’re old and should be playing. They are way too social now. It’s their friends’ influence. Just because their friends are old and their friends’ children are grown up, and are thus able to freely enjoy life as retirees, they feel entitled to doing so—but they chose to have kids when their same friends decided to just settle. So the result is, they neglect us many times. However, I guess they do feel guilty, and so if I were a brat, I could exploit them. But I have ethics.
Overall, I just feel underappreciated. And as a result as of now, I’m not going to try so hard anymore. I know who values and does not value me. Perhaps it is stress, or not. But I really don’t feel like trying—I’m too tired, really over it; and if no one wants to put me first, I will.

See, right now I am

Supposed to be studying for my 8 a.m. final tomorrow. But my mind is really congested and I have no focus. So I want to just spill my frustrations and clear my mind before starting to really get into studying. I am hoping to sleep by 2:30 a.m. Let's see how that goes.

So my whole day--Well a lot of stuff happened, so I'll tell Kip through Facebook. But what is publicly divulge-able, I will declare here.

Started after my first final--not sure if I was totally prepared for that. But it was easy enough--30 multiple choice questions--did you really think I was going to study for more than an hour for that? Well I wish I did... But I spent a lot of time finishing reading the course reader--that should have been enough for an A. Hopefully; I'm hoping for an A. Anyway then I came out in half an hour, and I sat and tried to study, but was really quite chatty. So I didn't finish my reading. Came back to watch the Lakers lose! Ugh. And then I found out my group members are really needy. I finished my part on Sunday so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Thanks a lot group, for expecting me to do everything. And I guess it really is my fault, because I started out as a leader, because it was my vision and pretty much such, because no one else would volunteer ideas, so mine were default. Anyways, so I spent until 11:30 working on crap for the project I thought I was done and over with.

Anyway. Yah, so I'm frustrated. Need to study. This is multiple choice AND short answer, essay. I hope I do fine. I mean I know the stuff. But he's really weird about what he asks for. Like, he's much too philosophical and too much of an interpretivist. Which is horrible, because that means he should not be making multiple choice tests whose answers have many interpretations. I hate looking for the "Best" answer rather than "The" answer.

And I might have to work during the summer. Which I think I must talk to my boss about that, because, honestly, that is economically infeasible for me. To work one measely day and pay rent in the summer? I might as well not work.