Fluid

Finally, I did the simplest thing today, yet it lifted the weightiest burden off of my shoulders. I just sent my dad an e-mail explaining what I am studying in college, and what I hope to do in the future with my degree. It is exhausting to constantly have to try to explain to them about my intended future career, without something tangible for them to grasp. They are only familiar with the more common careers--lawyer, doctor, service workers, etc. What I want to do--public administration, or something along the lines of urban studies, integrated with advocating socially-conscious public policy--is unknown to them. They do not see it as a career because they do not know it as a career. They are scared for me. I understand, because without a tangible career for them to imagine their daughter venturing into, is equivalent to their daughter not having a career--not having a future.

To be honest though, even though I am so sure of my passions, I too am uncertain of exactly what I will do. I know there is a career that--even if not available--I will carve out for myself. I know I am normally a very planned out person fearful of excessive spontaneity...However, that only applies for real-life events. More abstract imaginaries, I prefer fluidity and flexibility. In other words, I'd like to know where I am physically going to be for the next three hours to lessen my chances of getting lost, but I'd much prefer to keep open my options for my future and allow it to unfold as I approach it. I think it's exciting to not know exactly what position I will fill in my future. Each "career" already implies so many restrictions: Lawyers need to be strong-headed, aggressive, etc... Doctors need to be caring, careful, etc... Maybe scary--I don't know if there is a job exactly what I want to do...but I would much rather approach my future with no strings attached.

No pressure.

I would love to ease into a place that will naturally be mine all mine.